Guide Healing Our Hurts: Coping with Difficult Emotions

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Find a support system. Try to overcome this instinct and instead move into a circle of supportive, positive people who can help you heal. A support system can be a natural one such as your family, a group of friends, or others who may have experienced a similar loss in their lives. It can feel awkward reaching out of help. Choose someone who is usually supportive and positive.

Approach the person by sharing a little about what you're going through and then asking for advice: "I've been having a tough time coping with Jessica's death. How do you cope after a loss? There are also inexpensive therapists on websites like TalkSpace. Do activities that you enjoy. When you're reeling after an upsetting event it's best to treat yourself gently. Soothe yourself through this difficult time by leaning into the activities that make you smile.

Don't feel guilty about treating yourself. It can help lift your mood and remind you that there are good things in your life despite the bad. See a therapist. If your emotional pain is preventing you from being able to function in your everyday life, you may need to speak with a professional. A therapist can help you process your emotions and learn to cope with them in a safe and effective way. Search for a therapist in your local area, if you are having trouble finding healing on your own. Avoid rumination. Rumination is the act of thinking about the upsetting event or situation over and over again.

2. The ‘Trauma Narrative’

Maybe you were fired from your job and you now feel like a failure. Rumination is poisonous to a healthy frame of mind and can ultimately lead to depression. Stop rumination by looking at the situation as a learning experience. Ask yourself what lesson you learned from losing your job, and use that as fuel to inspire future actions. You can also overcome a rumination habit by scheduling a daily worry period. This is a period of about 15 to 30 minutes where you are allowed to think about your worries each day.

Any other worrying done outside this time period must be postponed. Empower your worry periods even more by making strategic problem-solving plans about the things you find yourself worrying about. Maybe you can write out a plan to update your resume and start job-hunting. Release feelings of guilt. When you feel guilty about something, you become the architect of your own unhappiness. Guilt keeps you from moving forward in your life because there is unresolved shame or pain that needs to be addressed.

To move on from guilt, you must apologize—to yourself or another person—for the role you played in an upsetting situation. You must forgive yourself and give yourself permission to reengage with your life and stop standing in the past. Look for the silver lining. Failing in an important aspect of life can result in a great emotional hit.

When you face disappointment or failure, it's necessary to gain a different perspective so that you do not get bogged down and lose your focus. You can gain perspective by talking to others about your perceived failure.

How To Heal Emotional Pain: Why You Must Feel to Heal

Friends and loved ones can help you to understand that failure in one area does not immediately result in failure in all areas or even a pattern of failure. You may have lost your job, but perhaps this happened to push you towards changing careers and doing something you really enjoy.

Expressing gratitude can also help you feel better. Try to write down three things each day that you are grateful for, such as sunny weather, your best friend, or strong coffee in the morning. Boost your self-esteem.


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Constantly running failures through your head, feeling rejected, being knocked down by failure—all of these circumstances have the power to take your self-confidence down a notch. Engage in activities that you are good at to feel a positive sense of accomplishment. Bypass this hit to your self-esteem by showing compassion for yourself. Remind yourself that you are only human, not a superhero.


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  6. These negative circumstances serve to make you stronger. It can also help to take an inventory of all the characteristics you have that serve as strengths. Recall these attributes when you feel poorly about yourself. In addition, be willing to accept compliments as well-intentioned rather than questioning their authenticity.

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    Healing What You're Feeling When You're Reeling

    Be proud of who you are despite past hurts and shortcomings. Focus on the positives. Try to maintain a balanced perspective. Nothing is all bad. No matter how long it rains, at some point, you can be sure the sun will shine again. Focus on the good and you may start to feel better about your situation. Make a list of things you are grateful for in your life.

    Maybe losing your job showed you how wonderful your support network is. Maybe the setback made you grateful you were always such a consistent saver because now you have a little money tucked away until you find a new opportunity. Look at the good in your life.

    You may be surprised to learn that you have a lot more going for you than you previously thought. Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered. Already answered Not a question Bad question Other. Edit Related wikiHows. Did this article help you? Yes No. Cookies make wikiHow better. By continuing to use our site, you agree to our cookie policy. Co-Authored By:. Paul Chernyak, LPC. Co-authors: Updated: September 6, Jump to navigation. Or we dwell on the future, postponing our happiness with thoughts about what is missing or wrong in the present moment.

    The mind has a lifetime of conditioned beliefs and expectations through which it filters all perceptions. While the body spontaneously lets go of pain the moment the underlying cause is healed, the mind has a mysterious instinct for holding on.

    2. Breathe into your heart.

    Through the mind, we create a prison of suffering and then forget that we are the architect and that we ourselves hold the key that will set us free. In reality, outside events are only triggers. The cause of every emotion is within. By uncovering the false perceptions that cause us to cling to pain, we can open to a deep experience of peace.

    10 Life-Changing Facts to Heal the Pain of the Past

    When you find yourself flooded with a negative emotion, the following practices can help you find your way back to your core of balance, peace, and wellbeing. Instead ask them what they are trying to tell you. All emotions — including the most difficult ones — exist for a reason: to help you. If you identify personally with negativity and think, I am angry, depressed, miserable, stressed out, etc. This too shall pass.